Saturday, April 21, 2007

Anxiety. Haste. Stress.

All too often I'm reminded of how immature my faith truly is. What are the symptoms of a lack of faith or an immature faith? Anxiety, haste and stress. Ever feel those things? As mothers and as human beings it is natural to experience these sentiments. There is nothing wrong with that. What is wrong is when we submit to those feelings and allow them to overcome us and consume our thoughts. My husband was recently diagnosed with a chronic disease. Chances are pretty good that he is going to be medically boarded out of the Navy in six months. He is one who had his whole career in front of him if he wanted... making rank at impressive speed, his command's "golden boy." There was nothing he couldn't accomplish. And now the military is basically going to say "You're not any good to us anymore since we can't deploy you." So that life is coming to a crashing halt. Don't bother with comments of condolences or anything. We are both thankful for God's will.

I think at any other time in my life, I would be sick with worry and fear about finding a job and paying the mortgage and where we'll be when this all comes into fruition. But it's like an out-of-body experience I've been living; I watch myself, entirely delighted, as I don't feel any sense of fear or stress about this situation. This is so liberating! And it makes me realize that my faith is growing... and how far I still have to go. It wouldn't be right for me to give lip service to the Almighty while my stress is essentially telling Him that I don't trust Him and that I will be taking this into my own hands thankyouverymuch!

"Difficult graces of trial of faith often involving suffering, should be accepted by us with the awareness of the closeness of Christ. We should accept them with the belief that He will be victorious, that after Good Friday, Resurrection Sunday will come. There should be an unshaken faith within us, that He who is peace, power, joy, and the Resurrection, is with us even more so during our trials and suffering. Living by the present moment, sanctifying it as a moment of grace, is an expression of the dynamism of our faith and of our fight with the temptations of anxiety, haste and stress: 'Surrender yourself totally into the hands of the Merciful Providence, that is into the hands of the Immaculate, and be at peace,' wrote St. Maximillian to one of the brothers in the convent. Live as if this were your last day. Tomorrow is uncertain, yesterday does not belong to you, only today is yours. God does not want you to look back because then, most often, you succumb to those temptations of anxiety, haste and stress."

-Fr. Tadeusz Dajczer in "The Gift of Faith."

-Ellie: Oak Harbor, WA

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one of us :: 1:36 PM :: 1 Comments