Monday, June 04, 2007Could it be any more clear?
Getting back from a nice vacation that took us through Idaho, Montana, Wyoming, Utah and Oregon. We went from snow on the ground to 104 degree heat in just a couple days; we met with old friends and had interesting talks with new people. We were reminded of what a beautiful, diverse world we live in! Anyway a lot of reflection time through this has made a couple things quite obvious to me... most notably that I still have so much to learn.
I love getting knocked off my high horse. So often I think that I have it together... I'm such a well-read advocate of homeschooling, such a pusher of the "embrace your vocation" mantra, such a strong supporter and competent defender of life issues. Then something happens to clear up my rosy lenses: I open up another book or I have a conversation with one more sage than me, or I simply experience an unexpected crisis that teaches me how young my faith really is.
Praise God for doses of humility! I beg to know Him and I beg to go deeper, and I drag my feet and whine the whole time He strips me of my securities, knowledge and worldly ties for the very purpose of preparing my soul for HIS infusion. How can I ask to know, love or serve Him more when I am unwilling to be purged of things toxic to my spirituality?! The irony would be laughable if my salvation wasn't at stake. Placing our hope, confidence and trust in ANYTHING other than Him only disappoints. And isn't the evil one clever to make us think we are being holy and responsible in justifying certain things to us? Being obsessed with the impression you make on others with your important books, perfectly prayerful children, immaculate mini-van, articulate tirades against certain bishops, etc. Using these MEANS of the pilgrimage of life as ENDS. And we pray through tears of frustration to God that ours is a stale, dry spirituality... that we are sorry for going through the motions but don't know how to revive the deadened senses to the Supernatural. "What can I do, Lord?" "Make me thirsty again, Lord!"
But to be still. To do more than lip service. To live the Gospel message every hour of every day. To be gutted of our attachments, our 'noise'. To "sell what we have and give to the poor." To praise Him when people let us down. To be content with trials. To use annoyances and frustrations as another link that can draw us closer to the True Cross. To desire simplicity.
How many of us are willing to do that? How often do we see ourselves as He sees us and are willing to be gutted?
These are the things I'm still learning, and I thank Him for this tiny moment of awakening.
-Ellie, back in the much appreciated northwest corner of Washington.