Tuesday, January 23, 2007
I'm sure that we all have those times when we feel totally and utterly incapable of being good mothers: when our child is teething or ill and they cry so much that we think we'll go totally crazy. Lately I've been having times like that. Currently the three of us are a pitiful, sickly bunch, with head colds, sinus infections and such. Aidan is cutting his 13th tooth. He also senses the coming of a new babe, I think, because he really has been acting up lately and showing signs of quite a temper. Last night it took me a full hour to put him to sleep. He cried the entire time and finally drifted into a light sleep after a dose of tylenol. Then all night he restlessly slept and cried on and off. Early in the morning around 2 AM or so he cried for another hour straight. Must I go on? You get the idea!!
Looking back on it now, I really know for a fact that I wouldn't have beeen able to get though any of that if it weren't for grace, help from Our Lord and Lady and the love that God puts in our hearts for our children. I had to say a lot of prayers last night for strength to be patient, for the strength not to give up. Without those prayers I may have lost it. Sure, during the day I find myself snappy or quite like a witch if it's going like that. But at night, when I am tired and sick and hence it's doubly hard, you'd think I'd abandon the whole thing altogether or throw my child out the window, so to speak! But no! Grace is there and we get through it. How? I have found that the ONLY way to really get through it all in a quiet, loving way is through our Lady. Thank God for her example. We must give her everything we do, asking her to take our hand and teach us her gentle, loving and patient ways! Sure, it was easy for her, you may say-- after all, she was sinless and holy, and we on the other hand are sinners. However, we have the consolation and grace of her help, and the shining image of what we are CALLED to be as mothers.
In the middle of last night, as I paced with Aidan for the second time, sometimes with tears in my eyes out of sheer exhaustion (emotionally and physically), I prayed that after he fell asleep he and I would both be granted a peaceful, restful sleep. God is so good and merciful! After the long haul, we did indeed sleep from 3AM till 7:30 AM. -A solid few hours of good, sweet sleep.
(Then of course comes the morning: another day of picking up after and keeping track of a toddler, of being 34/35 weeks pregnant and feeling like a whale... God help us!)
It can be humbling to ask for help. At certain times we want to be mad, or we want to cling to that feeling of self-pity... but the best thing to do is to humble ourselves and simply ask for help. We won't get very far without it. We won't grow as fast or learn as quickly without asking for help. Don't we want to be saints now? I certainly don't want to take a lifetime learning how to be holy! I want to start glorifying God and witnessing to His life and His love right now! I want to lead my children closer to Heaven. Most helpful in that will be my own love, my own ways, my own example. So, help, please, Mary! Teach us your gentle and loving ways!
~Sia, Vancouver, WA
one of us ::
6:50 AM ::